so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We have started to decorate penises.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
