Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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