I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize