i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
