she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
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I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
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I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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