I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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