Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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