im six kinds of drunk right now
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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