I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
