i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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