You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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