he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
