I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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