I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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