that's an acceptable place to lick
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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