I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize