I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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