Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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