I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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