I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize