Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.