I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness