I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
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obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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