i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
