OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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