So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize