Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
