i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
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As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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