I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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