Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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