I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
