u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
