Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
