I'd wear matching sweaters with you
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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