You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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