You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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