put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize