GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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