there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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