So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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