Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
