My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
