Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
