Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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