I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You ruined the universe
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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