I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
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Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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