why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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