My cat gives me a boner
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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