ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
