So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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