I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
